by Nynaeve

Nurit: Ladies and Gents, Aes Sedai, Aes Sedai’s lackies, Red heads with pointy sticks, Leaf sniffers, Wolf wannabes, Shadow poopies of any kind, bug people, freelanders (couldn’t think of a cute nick *L*), Children of the light (my ass!), Red prints, strange looking earring freaks and the respectable BTers…  I hope you are ready for this fantastic display of our one and only, our beloved, DRAGON REBORN!!!

*Taim walks onto the stage*

Taim: It is an honor to be here, Nurit.

*Nurit rolls eyes and calls for security*
*seconds later Taim is being dragged away, whilst screaming like a school girl*

Nurit: Ahem….. Our very own, non-false Dragon Reborn, Rand Al’thor!

*Rand walks onto the stage, the audience goes wild, Taim boos silently from the back*

Rand: It is wonderful to be here, Nurit. I must apologize for my associates’ shameful display. It’s a drag shaking off the groupies but it must be done. Once I caught him going through my panties drawer…

Nurit: Yes, I understand. It can be very…you have a panties’ drawer?

Rand: Errmmm…that was Lews talking, he has a thing for panties…air flows of a sort. I’d rather not expand on the subject.

Nurit: Happy to oblige, Rand. Now, tell me something, how does it feel to have another person in your head?

Rand: Well, it’s not easy. Sometimes I want to go left, he wants to go right, and then I end up on the floor punching myself to a bloody puddle. It’s not pretty and people stare…you can imagine.

Nurit: Yes… I can see what you mean. It might project insanity to some. Does that bother you?

Rand: No, it doesn’t. I know the truth, I’m not mad. I just hear voices. *ggls to self* Lews says your fly is open.

Nurit: *raises an eyebrow*  I’m wearing a dress.

Rand: Exactly! HAHA!

*stares at Rand for a long moment*

Nurit: Tell me, Rand. When Lews talks to you, what does he say? Does he ask you to do things for him?

Rand: oh, plenty of times. He keeps asking and complaining, wanting more and more, shouting, making a fuss. But he gives NOTHING back… NOTHING! And I’m tired of that BLOODY old man. If he wants this relationship to work, he must put some effort into it too, you know?

Nurit: No, I don’t. Lets keep it that way. Now, Rand, does Lews realize that he’s actually a dead man captured in another person’s head?

Rand: Hell no, the old man thinks I’m possessing HIS body. Pompous bastard. Keeps telling me to kill whoever I lay my eyes on, especially when I’m around women. Since he started talking to me I haven’t been able to be with a woman….he keeps chattering and raving while I’m trying to stick my…

Nurit: That would be enough for today!!!  Rand, thank you for coming here tonight

Rand: It’s okay…there was nothing good on TV…

Nurit: Yes, very considerate. We’ll be happy to have you here again…

Rand: I’m free tomorrow *G*

Nurit: That’s lovely…don’t call us, we’ll call you. Goodnight Rand. Have a wonderful year.

Rand: Happy new year, everyone! Lews wishes you all a painful death! Goodnight!

Nurit: Join us again in a month…same place…same hour…hopefully a different character  *waves*

If you have comments or feedback for this column, please email us at daesdaemar@whitetower.org with “Nyna Says Something Funny” in the subject.