Once upon a time there was a very twisted Amyrlin Seat. She wrote a bizarre story with a few of her friends in it and settled back to see who would kill her. Oddly enough, no one did. In fact, the people who had been left out seemed quite upset. Grinning maniacally, she settled in to write a sequel.

The Amyrlin was once again in her study doing Amyrlinish things. She never told anyone what these things were, but they seemed to involve huge amounts of chocolate pudding. There were little plastic cups scattered everywhere in her study. Leaning back in her chair, she happily licked off the last remaining glob of pudding from her special pudding spoon.

Then she sniffed. That wasn’t pudding she smelled. It smelled like a fire. Rising from her chair, she went out to where Chissa, the Keeper was leaning back in her chair, feet propped on the desk, working crossword puzzles.

“Chissa dear, where is that smoke coming from?”

“Hmm? Oh, I think that’s Francesca downstairs burning all her filmy dresses. I think she is rather upset by that story you wrote.”

“Oh, whoops. I guess I should apologize for that.” The Amyrlin went back into her study and made a little note on a yellow sticky note and stuck it to the window. She noticed that all of the little yellow sticky notes were starting to block out the sunlight coming through the window.

“Hmm…Maybe I ought to throw some of these away. Which ones have I already done? Let’s see…’Go shopping for more Warder biscuits’. I don’t need that anymore. ‘Become undisputed Empress of the Universe.’ Need to keep that one. ‘Slap Phoenix around.’ Already did that one…several times.”

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. She went to answer, muttering about being interrupted.

“Oh, hello Ranges. How are you?”

“Gekkie!”

“Okay…Um…okay.”

“Gekkie, gekkie, gekkie!”

“Right. I think you’ve been working to hard dear. Why don’t you go lie down?”

Hustling the obviously over stressed Gaidin out the door, she shut it tightly and leaned against it. She hoped it wouldn’t be another long day like last time she wrote a story.

The door knocked again. Sighing, she opened it. It was Sathinar waving a piece of paper and foaming at the mouth. Literally, he was foaming at the mouth.

“You left me out! I’m the craziest person here and you left me out!!” He pushed past her into the study.

“Oh no, you don’t! Last time you came in here you kidnapped me! You are going right back outside, Mister!” She pointed angrily at the door.

“I don’t think so, Seat. See this? It’s a suponea. I’m suing you for not putting me in the last story.”

“What? That’s ridiculous. You can’t sue me for that!”

“Yes I can! I even have a lawyer. Come on in, Serafelle.”

Serafelle Sedai strolled in casually. “Hello Mother. How are you today?”

“No way! Serafelle cannot be your lawyer. I refuse to let her. She is way too talented.”

“Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?” Sathinar sneered.

“Watch.” The Amyrlin picked up a pen off her desk and began scribbling on a piece of paper. Sathinar leaned over her shoulder and read out loud.

“Yes I can…I even have a lawyer…Come on in…Sathinar.” He looked up. “Wait a minute. That doesn’t even make sense. How can I be talking to myself outside in the hall?”

The Amyrlin shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s my story. I can do what I want.” She began shoving him towards the door. “Okay, now go outside and do whatever it is you do when you’re not pestering me.”

Before she could get the door shut all the way, Chissa came in with the mail. “Lots of letters for you, Mother. Look, here’s one from Phoenix.”

“Dear Kathana,” it said. “I really like it when you slap me around. Would you please do it again sometime? And could you ask Blackthorne if you can borrow her catsuit too?”

Kathana blushed a deep scarlet, “What? I can’t believe I just wrote that! I’m going to have to delete that before I post this.” She quickly wrote a reminder on a little yellow sticky note and placed on the window. It gently detached itself and fluttered unnoticed to floor.

“Are there any others, Chissa?”

“Here’s one from Stealth.”

“Dear Amyrlin. You are really cool. Really really really cool. Can I be in your sequel, because I think you are really cool. You are the coolest Amyrlin ever. If you look in the dictionary, under “cool Amyrlins”, there will be a picture of you. You are so cool. In the Light, Stealth Gaidin. P.S. Did I mention how cool you are?”

“There is something in the water here, I swear.”, she muttered. “Are there anymore?”

“Here’s one.”

“I really mean it. You are so cool. You are really, really, really, really, really, really cool. Can I please be in your sequel? Please? Just because you are cool?”

“Please tell me that’s it for the mail, Chissa.”

“One more.” she handed her the last letter.

“Greetings to the pitiful child that claims to be Aes Sedai. I am on my way with a Horde of Ultimate Despair to crush you and your group of half-trained children. We will raze your Tower to the ground and sow salt where you now walk. We will slaughter you and any army you raise against us. The ravens will feast on your flesh and rats will drink your blood. Tremble and prepare to kneel before the Shadow. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Demandred, Nae’blis. P.S. Disregard the above, I changed my mind.”

“That’s the last one, right?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Good. I don’t think I can handle much more of this. I’m going outside for a walk.”

Outside, in the fresh air, things didn’t seem so odd anymore. Darkseid Gaidin was in a corner under a tree, playing a tune. He noticed the Amyrlin and smiled, switching his song. Kathana frowned, trying to recognize it. Ah yes, “Bitch”. Pleased with her musical memory, she continued on her stroll.

Turning a corner, she encountered one of the unbonded Warders, Ladon.

“Hey, Amyrlin I need to talk to you.”

“Yes dear, what is it?”

“Don’t call me that! I’m not anyone’s “dear”!”

“But I call everyone that. You know, kind of a motherly, former Brown thing…”

“I don’t care, I’m not everyone.”

“Fine”, she sighed. “I won’t call you that, d-dude.”

“Good, anyways, I’m going to leave the Tower. No one has bonded me yet, so I’m giving up on being a Warder.”

“Oh?” she raised one eyebrow. This was a trick she couldn’t do in real life so she tended to over do it here.

“Yeah, I’m going to become a Jedi knight, and I wanted to know if you would come with me. It’s better than channeling I bet.”

“Um, I don’t think so. I kind of like being Amyrlin Seat. I get to boss people around.”

“But you could use your Jedi powers of persuasion on people and not have to yell so much.”

“Really?” Kathana thought it over. “No, I don’t think so. Yelling is therapeutic. Besides, I never actually watched Star Wars. See you later, Ladon.” With that, she swept off down the garden path, leaving him spluttering behind her.

As she was passing by some shrubs, something lunged out at her. She quickly embraced the Source to fend off her attacker.

“Hi Mom! Have you seen Ciara?”

“Jeez! You scared the crap out of me, Arik!”

“Oh sorry…Anyways, have you seen Ciara today?”

“No, she’s not in this story, dear.”

“Oh, okay. Well, if you see here, tell her I’m looking for her.” with that he dove back into the bushes.

“It’s the water. It has to be the water. Maybe Therva knows how to fix it.” she muttered as she continued down the path.

A commotion near the edge of a pool distracted her from her irritated mutterings. Four figures wear clustered around the edge, having an argument. They wear doing a lot of yelling and hand waving. Drawing closer, she realized that only three of them wear actually real. The fourth was some sort of cardboard cut out. She recognized Tarishma Sedai and Bellina Sedai, as well as Corindha, one of the Far Dareis Mai. That meant the cut out had to be…

“Krycek!” yelled Corindha, waving one of her spears.

“No, Mulder is waaay cuter!”, said Tari. “Just look at him.” Bellina held up a plastic figurine of Mulder for inspection.

“See?” said Bellina. “Just look at those eyes!”

“He is such a babe.” agreed Tari.

“Exactly, he is a squalling child, next to my Krycek.” Corindha affectionately stroked the shoulder of her cut out.

“Well, maybe the Amyrlin will set you straight. Mother, could you tell us who is cuter? Agent Mulder or Agent Krycek?” Bellina had noticed her approaching.

The Amyrlin looked at them with a shocked expression. “You are wasting my valuable time with this frivolous argument? Don’t you three have better, more important things to do? This has got to be the silliest argument I’ve ever heard.” Bellina and Tarishma began to wilt under the Amyrlin’s tirade. Even Corindha looked uncertain and avoided looking at her. “And do you know why this is such a silly debate, Daughters?” they all mutely shook their heads. “Because everyone knows Mulder is cuter.”

The two Aes Sedai broke into relived grins, Corindha glared at them all. “You all have toh, to my cut out now. I will leave before I am shamed by you all!” She seized the arm of her cardboard Krycek and stalked off, dragging it along behind her.

“And people say I have problems.” muttered the Amyrlin.

Ender ran up the path and stopped in front of her, panting. “Mother, I need to talk to you…Francesca’s trying to ki…What? Why won’t you guys look at me?”

“Um, Ender dear, you forgot to put you eye patch on again.” the Amyrlin gently pointed out. Bellina had turned almost the same color as her green fringed shawl.

“Oh whoops, sorry.” He covered the gaping hole in his head with one hand. “Better? Anyways, I need to talk to you about Francesca. She’s trying to kill me because…”

“You know what? I would really love to talk to you, but it’s lunch time and I’m hungry again.”

“No!!! She’s going to kill me and its all your fault…”

“Bye dear.”

Back inside her Study, she sat down in her chair to eat her lunch. It was a big bowl of chocolate pudding and a pot of Mint Tea.

“Yum. Morgan’s secret recipe!” She said, taking a sip.

There was a polite rap at the door. “Come in dear.” She called.

Lone Wolf entered the study on his hands and knees, groveling. “O Mighty Amyrlin! You who are so wise and wonderful and great and all of that. May I please kiss your ring?”

She sighed, “You only have to do that in your stories, dear. Get up off the floor; you look silly. What did you come in here for anyways?”

“I came to watch the meat.” He said rising off the floor, brushing dirt off his knees.

“What?” Kathana raised one eyebrow.

“Amyrlin Seat! I said Seat! I came to see the Amyrlin Seat!” he yelled blushing.

“Right, fine. Whatever. What did you need?”

“I don’t know…I forgot. Let me stand here like an idiot until I remember.”

“Okay, do whatever.”

There was another knock at the door.

“Come in!” the Amyrlin called again.

“Good afternoon, Kathana. How are you?” Ben, the Master at Arms, came in carrying a basket.

“Hello Ben. What do you need?”

“Well… I really want to be in your sequel. Can I?”

“Well, I don’t know. It’s getting long enough.”

He threw back the cloth. “But I have chocolate!”

“Chocolate? No, I must resist. This can’t go on forever.”

“Are you sure, Kathana? It’s nice and yummy. Look, here’s a piece of fudge…”

“Oh alright! You can be in my story!” she grabbed eagerly for the basket of chocolate goodies on the desk.

“JENN. GET OFF THE COMPUTER RIGHT NOW.”

“Who is that? The Dark One?” Ben looked up at the ceiling trying to see where the voice was coming from.

“No, it’s worse.” moaned Lone Wolf. “It’s her roommate Mary.”

“GET OFF RIGHT NOW. I WANT TO TALK TO DUTCHBOY”

“Fine, fine. Just let me finish up here. I gotta go now, guys.”

“AND WHEN YOU GET OFF, PLEASE DON’T TURN ON THE STEREO AND JUMP AROUND, FLAPPING YOUR ARMS. I HATE THAT.”

“You mean my dancing? But I love dancing….”

“YOU CALL THAT DANCING? I’D CALL IT A GRAND MAL SEIZURE DISORDER…”

“Shut up!!! Quit making fun of me!! I’m the Amyrlin Seat!”

“SO?”

The Amyrlin stuck her tongue out at the empty air. She grabbed a stack of papers off her desk. “Okay, guys. I have to go now. I’ll see you later.” She ran out the door, without waiting for them to say goodbye back.

“JENN. YOU FORGOT TO SWITCH OVER ICQ AGAIN.”

“Fine!” She ran back in and moved something on her desk. “There! Are you satisfied?”

“YES.” The voice sighed as the Amyrlin ran out of the room again. “SHE IS ONE F***ED UP ROOMMATE.”

****EPILOGUE****

Deep inside an abandoned mine, Sathinar crawled along a narrow tunnel. He had to make it to the surface, before Seat finished her story. He had to make it to be in the ending. Looking, up he saw that he was too late. He had been relegated to the epilogue. “NOOOOOOOOO!” he howled, as Seat gleefully dropped anvils on his head.

“That’ll teach you to call me Seat.” she said with satisfaction.

Once upon a time there was a really nice Aes Sedai, named Kathana Justinia Trevalaer. She was a wonderful person, the nicest and kindest and sweetest and prettiest and not at all delusional. She was actually quite wacky and probably should have been locked up awhile ago. Some how this wacky Aes Sedai was raised Amyrlin. No one could figure it out. Maybe it was a slow day and the Hall needed some entertainment. Maybe they thought she was the most qualified. Nah, they probably were bored.

Anyways, one day as she was doing Amyrlinish things in her study, someone knocked on her door. It was Chissa, her Keeper. Chissa sometimes felt like more of a Zoo Keeper than a Keeper of the Chronicles, because of the shenanigans she was forced to deal with from Kathana and some of the other Aes Sedai.

“Mother, there is some one downstairs you need to see.”

The Amyrlin looked up from the game of Cats Cradle she was playing. “Really? A visitor? For me? Wow!”

“Yes, Mother.” said the long-suffering Keeper. “He’s rather important, so you might want to hurry.”

Going downstairs to the main Hall, the Amyrlin saw a man clutching a broken bit of spear and talking to himself.

“No! We can’t kill them all right now. We might need them. And who’s this Ilyena chick anyways? She sounds hot…”

“Um Chissa, who’s this fruitcake?”

With a heavy sigh, Chissa said, “Mother, I have the honor of presenting to you the Lord of the Morning, the Prince of the Dawn, the Dragon Reborn, Who, Hopefully, Has a Good Sense of Humor and Won’t Balefire You Out of the Pattern for Writing This. He says his name is Phoenix.

“Hi Phoenix. Nice tattoos. I have one too.” Rolling up her sleeve, she presented him with a peeling temporary tattoo. “Only mine’s Tweety-bird, not dragons.”

“Who are you supposed to be? Where is this place? I have to go break the seals. Must break the seals. Yes, break them all…”

The Amyrlin leaned back on her heels to whisper to Chissa, “Go get Francesca. Tell her we’ve got another one. Oh and send Lanfir and her Warders out here too.” Chissa nodded and left quickly.

“Okay Phoenix,” she said in a nice soothing voice. “Why don’t you give me that stick before you poke out your eye and I’ll send for some nice mint tea? Or maybe some yummy chocolate pudding?”

“Witch! Answer my questions!”

“Fine, I’m the Amyrlin Seat and you’re in the White Tower.”

“Oh yeah? If this is the White Tower, then where are all the novices and Accepted?”

“Hey! I have a perfectly good system of Sealed to the Ring, Hall and Flame. It’s not my fault that people don’t pay attention to them!”

“Hi Ms. Amyrlin. Can I have a kiss?” Darksmoon, one of Lanfir’s Warders came into the Hall.

“No! No kisses!” Kathana said automatically. “Where’s Lanfir?”

“Oh, she got into the brandy again last night. She’s upstairs sleeping it off.”

“Great, just great. Where are the rest of her Warders?”

“Darkseid and Fremen are gone again. Dark Blight went to go find someone named GRAY AVATAR and some rope. Something about ‘another lynch mob’.” He scratched at a flea. “Anyways, can I be Amyrlin?”

“What? You can’t be Amyrlin. You’re not even Aes Sedai.” she said.

“Well, can I be Aes Sedai then?”

“Can you channel?” the Amyrlin asked. “You have to be a woman who can channel.”

“That’s discrimination!” he yelled.

Just then, there was a commotion behind her. Turning, she saw someone who looked like a Warder stride proudly into the room.

“My name is Roland Broadclock. I am desperately in love with you. Can I be your Warder?”

“Eww. No, you have cooties. Go away.”

“Please. I brought my own sword.”

“No, leave me alone!” she yelled at him.

“Hey, Mommy! How are you? Who are all these people?” Ciara, a Green sister came into the room now.

She was an old friend of the Amyrlin’s.

“Hi, Ciara.” Darksmoon sidled up to her. “Can I have a kiss?”

“Go away, you have Lanfir for that.” Said the blonde Aes Sedai.

“Ciara, this is Phoenix, the Dragon Reborn and Roland, who wants to be my Warder.”

“Oh goody! Can I give them makeovers?”

“Sure, go right ahead and ask.”

Phoenix was now pacing back and forth muttering under his breath about killing Demandred and all the Forsaken. “Must destroy them all. Kill Demandred. Then all the rest. Yes, kill them all. Except the women. Can’t kill women…”

“Hi! Can I give you a makeover?” she asked brightly.

“No! I have to fight the Dark One and then die. I’m too busy,” he said in a depressing voice.

“Well, do you want to be my Warder? I can always use another Warder.”

“Aren’t you listing? I’m busy!”. He yelled and grabbed saidin. He wove something out of Air and Fire that exploded in mid-air above the room. Sparks rained down on their heads.

“Protect the Amyrlin!” yelled Darksmoon.

“I’ll save you, my precious.” Roland flung Kathana down and shielded her with his own body.

“Ouch, get off me, you big oaf! I can’t breathe.”

“Can I give you mouth to mouth?” said Darksmoon eagerly.

“No!”

Shoving Roland away from her, the Amyrlin rose to her feet. She rarely lost her temper, but she was seriously annoyed now. She stomped over to Phoenix and slapped him across the face. “Don’t EVER do that again, you naughty boy!”

“You..you struck me! Me! The Dragon Reborn!” he raged. “I’ll get you for this! You and your little Aes Sedai too!”

“Oh knock it off. Or I’ll-”

“Mother…” Chissa hurried back into the Hall.

“There you are! Where are the Reds?” The Amyrlin demanded.

“Hi Chissa, can I have a kiss?”

“Go away, you have fleas.” To the Amyrlin, “Um…Well, I don’t think they are going to come. I… Um… accidentally walked in on them and…”

“Spit it out!”

“Well Francesca and Narell were both wearing these filmy dresses and they were feeding Ender grapes.” she finished, blushing.

“Oh.” Kathana thought for a moment. “That explains a lot.”

“Yeah, then Narell went pale and almost fainted and Francesca began cussing me out, so I don’t think they will be coming along.”

“Excuse me,” said Phoenix. “But I was in the middle of a good psychotic rampage there.”

“Yeah, and I’m still looking for a Warder.” Chimed in Ciara.

“What about me, my lovely?” Roland broke in. “The Amyrlin needs a Warder.”

“Yes that’s a good idea.” Boomed a voice. A very tan and happy looking Sam strolled in with a giggling, blushing, equally tan Blackthorne on his arm.

“Where have you two been?” asked Darksmoon.

“Club Med. It was very nice. Anyways, I think…”

“Ack! Shut up! All of you! I’m going back to bed.” The Amyrlin interrupted him.

“I don’t want a Warder anymore. You are all insane and you’re taking me with you!” she shriked and ran off to her room.

“Wait a minute, I have a question.”

“What is it Darksmoon?”

“Where are all the novices and Accepted?”

“Ahhhhhh!!!” she yelled again.

“There goes one really cool Amyrlin”, said Stealth

“What? Who are you? What are you doing here?” demanded Ciara.

“Oh I’m one of Kaleyra’s Warders. The Amyrlin usually finishes her humorous fanfics with the line ‘There goes one f***ed up Aes Sedai’. She changed it because she is Amyrlin now, and she had me say it because I said she was cool the other day.” he grinned.

“Oh okay. Does this mean the story’s done?” said Ciara.

“Yup, it’s all done now.”

“Then why hasn’t she stopped writing yet?”

“I think she is trying to drag it out as much as possible.”

They all stood around the Hall waiting for the Amyrlin to get bored and let them go. Ciara sighed. Phoenix checked his watch. Darksmoon scratched at a flea. Finally a voice called down from upstairs. “Fine, you can go!!”

As they all filed out, Darksmoon muttered, “She may be Amyrlin now, but she is still f***ed up.”

OOC: It must be pointed out that not everything in this story is mainly MY idea… some of it originally comes from Mom/Lone Wolf’s humor story, and some comes from Narell’s.
The same goes for my first one too, not ALL was mainly my ideas… (They forced me to say that… J/K)
I advice you to read those before you read this one, to get all the jokes, and REALLY advise you to read my first story. (COMMERCIAL! COMMERCIAL!)

Lastly, infinite + 2: Alanna, REALLY FUNNY story *lol* I am afraid it will put this a bit in the shadow, but still…
There is one difference here, there is a pudding deliverance… just accept it, okay? Good… *s*

ON TO THE STORY, THEN!

*************

The Wheel of Time turns, etc.

Once again, the story was to start out at the Black Tower, or, to be more specific, Arik Korpin’s luxury study. The night was cold, and Arik was huddled together. Unlike some others of his fellow Soldiers, he had not yet had proper isolation installed. He spat at the floor and the walls. And this was supposed to be a luxury study!?
There was one relieving thought in it all, though… tonight, in about five minutes, he was going to visit the White Tower again.

Lately, he had been having various nightmares about giant cartons of chocolate pudding, omelettes, and slumber parties. It was a wonder in itself that he had been able to sleep at all! The roosters and hens and chickens seemed to have found a nice place to nest.
Just such a bloody shame it had to be outside HIS door!
He started to laugh, and pounded his fist hard into his mahogany desk repeatedly while chewing on the fingers of his other hand…

Sitting up straight again, he remembered the meeting with the M’hael, were he was supposed to ask for another grant to visit the White Tower. It had started out all right, but in the midst of their conversation, the M’hael had started to pull feathers slowly out of his mouth. Arik had done nothing less than to just run, and lock the door behind him when he was safe and sound in his study again. He hoped the M’hael would forgive him for that.

Yes, he would have to leave without permission tonight… And that meant no gateway, as the others would surely notice a ripple… And no door, as the chickens and hens and roosters roosted outside it. That left only the window… He jumped over to it, and looked outside. It was a long way down, but he had a plan…
Bending down to open a drawer under his bed, he dragged his heavy pillows over to the window, and began to throw them out one by one.

His brothers had wondered what he had been doing all day. They were ignorant…
Did they think it was safe to jump out of a window onto a pile of pillow accessories without measuring the fluffiness and the volume correctly? The fools! He clenched his fists, and felt an excruciating pain in one of them.
Besides, math was not his strong side…

When he was done, he carefully climbed up onto the stone window, and looked down as the wind ruffled his hair… There was only one thing in his mind at the moment:
He could not believe they had not made him a luxury balcony! With the fat bribes they had received, they better damn well do their jobs! He would have to check into the facts and figures of that when he returned… No one messed with Arik Korpin’s luxury study without paying the prize. And so he jumped…

The landing was a success, not that he had counted on it to be anything less than that… He rubbed the feathers from the now ruined pillows off his new, and neatly buttoned Asha’man coat. He had totally forgotten about the content of the pillows, and he could feel something silly coming on… He croaked, and flipped out in a weird, guttural laughter…

**********************

The moon was high, and the tides were rising. Oh, that sounded so cliché… He didn’t even know if it was right… Probably wasn’t…
Arik reined in his horse, Gollyoh, just outside the White Tower, and slapped him on the back, watching him run back towards the Black Tower in a gallop.

There had been several occasions when he had tried to change that STUPID name of his horse, but without any luck… Its former owner had trained it well, and it did only obey the name it had received from him. It had been a joke among the Ashaman for months now, and he was sick and tired of finding silly notes stuck on his horse every damn time he went to groom it. They did not even make sense!

But that was not too important now, he thought… He had another plan… An eeeeevil plan… A revenge plan. The Amyrlin would pay… not only for the Spoon, but also for those hideous slurping sounds she made when she ate her pudding… Truly hideous, they were, those sounds…

The flute would play a different tune tonight… He barked into a raw laugh, and walked up to the gates. At last, it was his turn…

Well inside, he pressed himself towards the Hall Wall, listening…
He had forgot about the Slumber party, but it seemed like it had ended. The Main Hall was in almost complete order, except for a few smores here and there… so that was what it was… he sighed of relief, and sat himself down on the floor, picking up those yummy smores, eating and waiting…

Suddenly, as there was a loud knock at the gate, he raised himself quickly, and opened it. Outside stood a fat man, poorly dressed, with bad teeth, and all that fun stuff…

“Delivery for the Amyrlin, Watcher of the…”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever!” Arik snatched a thin piece of paper from the man. “Where do I sign?”, he asked with a cruel smile.

“Right there, good sir.” the foul-smelling man pointed.

“Good, good… let us see…vermicelli?!? What is that? Is this supposed to be a joke!?”

The man started to tremble, and could not manage to speak.
Arik patted him absently on the head.

“There there, I am sure it will be in order. Leave it outside as well. Now, bring in the pudding!”

He rubbed his hands together as the fat, bald, foul-smelling and poorly dressed man with the bad teeth pushed in a BIG crate. There was no mistaking… the Amyrlin always got her pudding deliverances on Fridays. And Arik would know; he had done some inside investigations…
Before he knew a word of it, his hands were on fire. Sticking them in his mouth to light it out, he hoped no one had noticed…

“That will be 200 Tar Valon silver-like coins, Sir.”

Arik turned rapidly towards the man. “WHAT?! That itself is a felony! How can a crate of chocolate pudding cost… uh…oh… the vermicelli, huh?”

The man nodded sadly. “It is very rare, I’m afraid…”

“Issee… Well, the money will be in the DMmail! Now, go, before I get upset and channel huge amounts of something gooey upon you!”

The man ran, dragging his pudding sleigh surprisingly fast behind him. Arik shook his head at the scenario…

Now, for the pudding! Once again, he started to laugh terribly, but got himself together fairly in time. He didn’t want to wake anyone up…

He opened the crate gently with a heron marked crowbar, and behold! It was the pudding… it was lying there, in a big yellow carton, like a huge, motionless glob, the half of it visible over the edge. Arik thought it looked sort of gloomy…
Beside it lay the plastic cups. Aha, so she had servants to fill them up for her… they would have to be released after this story was over…

He had a big job in front of him. Although there were no point in fixing more than one cup, it would look suspicious if they all were not filled up…

The Wheel started to turn…. as it always did….

******************

When he was done, he settled to take a breath.
Loading heaps of chocolate pudding into tiny cups had been harder work than he had thought! Let them fight their wars on the battlefields! But load pudding? Hah! They dont have the guts to do it!

Into one of the cups, he had placed a little… surprise, so to call it… he was sure the Amyrlin would be both surprised and unpleased, at least after the… “ostentation”… but she would never find out who had done it. To celebrate the whole, he took one cup of pudding, and curiously started to eat the stuff, before he spat it out. Blight! It tasted like… dirt! And worse! How could she eat such things? She had a twisted mind, that being, he knew that for sure now. But the servant Aes Sedais would be here to pick it up soon… he hid behind a curtain…. he wouldnt miss this pre-assuring moment for anything.

Meanwhile, in the Amyrlin’s study….

“Mother, there is a guest for you.”, Chissa popped her head inside the door and sighed. “He says, as always, that it is most important…”

The Amyrlin threw away an empty cup of pudding, and frowned.

“Who can that be, this late? I am getting curious now… ok, send him in… oh, and Chissa? Do remember to bring me my chocolate pudding deliverance, will you? Thank you, dear…” She smiled warmly and chocolately…

“Mother! Bond me! Now! Please!!!”

Kathana let out a scream of fury. “AAARGH!!!! You AGAIN?!” She calmed down a bit, before telling him the news. “Well, it doesn’t matter now anyways… I have already bonded someone…” She smiled pleased at him. That ought to get him away for good…

“Mother! I can’t believe my own ears! Are you sure!?”

“Of course I am… uhm…. actually…. well… YES, I am sure. Now, go away… I have matters to take care of. ” She drooled…

“But Mother!” Mother, no!” Roland threw himself to the floor, dragged himself over to her chair, and started to kiss her feet fanatically.

“You flatter me, Roland, but honestly………….. Oh, OK, then! I will… I will let you stay for TEN minutes…”

“Yes? Yes? And?”

She looked away and mumbled. “…and I’ll let you taste some chocolate pudding too… but just ONE cup!”

“Mother!” He gave her a big hug. “Thank you, I will never forget this!”

“Neither will I, I’m afraid…”

And so, they waited for Chissa to bring in the pudding…

***************

Arik slashed the curtain away with his knife, and stepped into the light… It had worked! The Aes Sedai had been there, picking it up. He had heard the footsteps… and besides, the pudding carton was gone.
Too bad he had no secret access to her room, so he could view the “show”…

Suddenly, without warning, a big, huge, and very bright thingy appeared in front of him, almost like a gateway, and out stepped a man with flaming eyes. He looked around, then spotted Arik, and started to chuckle…. Arik felt threatened, or something…

“Welcome to the Dark side, Arik Korpin… MWA HA HA HA HA!”

“Excuse me, but… the Dark side? Don’t you mean the Shadow? Besides, I am still in the Light, I am just craving for some fun, that’s all. Who are you, by the way?”

“I… am Ishamael!!!”

“…Oh, a Forsaken? Cool, can I shake your hand!?”

“A CHOSEN!” His eyes roared with flames. “And no… You cannot…”

“That’s too bad… Ah, well, I must head back to the Black Tower… Give me a lift?”

“SILENCE, MORTAL FOOL!” He licked his lips with a mad look. “Now… I am sure we can talk this over quietly…”

“Yeah, probably. But can we take it tomorrow, cause you know, I really need to get back to…”

“Drat! A Red! Sorry, I have to go… They are so facetious and moonstruck, I’d had better get back to Shayol Ghul at once!”

With that, he vanished in a cloud of smoke. Of course, Arik knew that the smoke was fake… It was an old gleeman’s trick, but it had been greatly misused by the Asha’man for Ages.

Then he saw the Red Sister too, and froze. She was coming right at him, holding a giant jar, and she looked quite upset. He hoped that jar was not for him. He had heard various tales… She was also wearing some indescribable wooly stuff…

“Oh my! A male! Uhm, I mean… Oh… A disgusting man in the Halls… what are you doing here?” She winked at him weirdly, while at the same time holding a straight and strict mask.
She wasn’t very good at it, though…
He made sure that all the buttons in his coat were done, and he wrapped himself in his cloak, neatly, as always, in his stories.

“Actually, I was just leaving… Err… So… Bye bye now!”

“Just one minute!” She pulled out a bag of scrambled and really tiny ripped toilet-paper pieces, and the label said Coupons. “Would you like to support the case of the Retreat in Arad Doman?? We promise to do a really good job at it!” Her smile was quite convincing…

“I’ll take two! How much will that be, then?”

“Let me see… five… three… that would be 2…4 coins!”

“And I’ll take two more if you promise to forget about me being at the Tower in this late hour…”

“Okay…” she started to clink together more beads on her silver abacus. “That would be nine coins!”

” Urrh… Alrighty then… There you go!” She oddly enough put only four coins in the jar, and five in her wooly pocket. It took some time for them to reach the bottom.

“Now, see too it that I win!”

She handed him four “coupons”.
“That was really… uhm… good done of you… and I didn’t even tell you about our fabulous prizes!”

“Tell me another time. Now, I have to go!”

“But you would really like t… oh, ok…” He was gone before she got the opportunity to throw herself over him. “Now, where is that vermicelli… it should have been here now…”

Outside, it was even darker night than before. He could barely see anything, but there was something that caught the corner of his eye, and he looked up, praying it was not another chicken…

A woman sat alone in a window three floors above him, and smiled at him. She was wearing a filmy, white dress, and she gestured for him to come up and visit her for a while…
He had to look again to see if he had been right… it was Siuan! He had once again forgotten all about her! He grinned at her, and made a sign meaning he would be up in a few minutes.

He just hoped no one would notice him gone from the Black Tower, and no others would notice him in the White… it would be no problem to connect him with the pudding scandal afterwards…

He ran back inside, past the Red Sister who looked mildly shocked, and towards the Hall Stairs. He would have to have about twenty minutes on him. More than that and the Asha’man would start looking for him. At least, to be on the safe side. He had planned his time carefully, and the minor things that had happened had not been in his calculations.

He ran up about three floors, and started to wonder where he was… it looked exactly the same all over!

“I guess this is it then…” He decided on one hall, and started to look for Siuan’s room. It was supposed to be around there somewhere… Suddenly, without notice, a hand grabbed his arm, and pulled him forcefully into a room, closing the door behind.

Before he knew it, he was flung upon some of that squishy furniture he did not know what was…
“I am glad you could stop by…” A voice said from behind him. He heard quite well that it did not belong to Siuan… Yikes, he thought…

Turning around; it was difficult, he almost drowned in squishiness, he could see her more clearly. It was that drunken Aes Sedai, Lanfir… he immediately started to think of an escape plan…

“Where am I… what do you want…?”

She made a silly gesture with her arm, and spilled some of her cups content. It sizzled on the floor… “This, is the White Tower Harem!” She handed him a cup, but he refused.

“If this is a Harem,” he staggered “then… then where are all the women…?”

“No… not THAT kind of Harem… Well, almost, then, only this contains men, not women… Ciara was right, after all… You ARE silly…”

He swallowed. “Then where are… all the men…?”

“It has been empty for years!” She walked around, wearing a filmy dress, pouring herself drink after drink from the big bottle she held in her other hand. Some times, she forgot she already had a full cup, and spilled more on the floor.

“W… what happened, then…?” Arik asked, nervous to find out.

“We bonded them! And as everyone knows, it is inappropriate for a warder to be hanging around in a harem all day! No… so now, we are looking for new ones to fill it up… only a few visit nowadays…” She threw the cup at the wall, where it broke, and the content fizzed disputably, then she gave him a hungry look…

It took only seconds before Arik was out of the room. She had, thank the Creator, forgot to lock the door. As he ran for his life down the hall, he could hear her shouting behind him, and cursing. He was sure the whole Tower would wake up soon.

Running down the exact same amount of stairs he had been running up, he found himself in the Main Hall again… At least, it looked like it… Only, there were stairs running down here, and there hadn’t been any of those in the Main Hall. Stumbling down the rest of them, there were more stairs! He stopped and scratched his head. The Tower could really need redecorating… He had that ugly feeling that this was turning out to be another silly story…

This time, he set his mind on trying to stay on that floor, and began to hustle down the halls. He halted right outside a door to his left, as he heard a voice… Oh no… Busted!

“Good day, we’re from the FBI. I am agent Fox Mulder, and this is agent Dana Scully… We would like to ask you some questions…”

And then, another voice; it seemed to be, but Arik could tell it was the same one, just in a different tone…

“Yeah, sure you want to! You always bring Scully, don’t you?! Well, no more! As from tonight, you’re with special agent Tari Scully… AARGH! It just doesn’t sound right without the Scully!! Take that! And that!”

He winced at the sound of a breaking mirror, and various pots and pans crashing against the walls of the room. Yeah… it was definitely time to move on….

“Mulder! Stop her, she is hurting me! Oh yeah? Well, Fox won’t help you! He likes ME better than you! Isn’t that right, Fox?! Yeah, I guess it is… YA HEAR?! HA!”

He had to find a window! Again, that seemed to be his only escape… he was too worked up about all the happenings for being able to channel…

“Arik! Over here!” A few paces in front of him stood Ciara, peeking out of a door, waving him over. “I have something important to tell you! But you have to hurry!”

He decided on that nothing could be worse than being caught. And on the other hand, his sister would help him whenever he was in trouble. He strode over to the door, and peeked inside where she had disappeared before he had reached her.

As he entered, someone threw a big sack over his head, and pushed him to a seat in something that felt like a very cold and hard chair. If this was Lanfir again… He was sure he had taken the right room… He could feel something lock itself over his wrists. When the sack was removed, Ciara stood in front of him, giggling.

“WE are gonna give YOU a make-over!” she gurgled… “Silly brother!”

“Ciara!? Release me this instant!” He was placed in a high-backed metal chair, secured tightly with the help of some solid steel gizmos! “I dont find this the least funny!!”

“THAT is because you are so silly!” She laid one hand to her mouth, giggling even louder.

“I am NOT silly! Release me! I mean it!” He twisted to get loose, but there was just no way.

“Nope! Not until we are done with you!”

“Who are you talking about!? There is only you here!”

Another woman stepped out, carrying a huge basket of various makeover-supplies. Looking at Arik with an artistic look, she grinned, and took out a pair of scissors. She slowly advanced on him.

“Oooh! This is so exciting, Arik! What are you gonna do, Alanna?”

Alanna talked, but never took her eyes of Arik’s hair. “For your brother, Ciara, I have something special in mind… Something involving…. plaits…. and pink ribbons…”

“No!!! Anything but plaits and pink ribbons… Anything! Filmy dresses, ANYTHING!”

“Oh my… A good idea… Note this, Ciara: filmy dresses.”

As she raised the scissors, the moon gleamed on them, reflecting a shadow onto the wall. The time stood still. Ciara giggled, Alanna laughed, and Arik screamed in agony. Then, she started to cut his hair…

*****************

Sitting alone in his luxury study in the Black Tower, lights turned off, Arik scribbled down a note. He had scribbled down other notes too… There were thousands hanging around in his room, saying don’t write another story.

When he was done with that one, the woman standing beside him took it from his hands, and hanged it on one of the few available spaces in the room. He took a sip of his cognac, and started to write yet another one…

“Sir Arik, Señor, if I may say, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Your hair… It kinda suits you very well, Sir…”

He looked up at her without a word, and handed her another note. She shrugged excusably, and hung the note on to herself. “Is this good, Sir?”

“Very so, Consuela… now, bring me another bottle of cognac, and take the day off, will you?

“Si, Señor… same time tomorrow?”

Arik picked up the pen, and shook his head carefully. A ribbon loosened, and he let his head fall to the desk… the woman winced, and reached out her hands to help him up.

“No… take the next week off… I need some rest…”

“Oh, and Señor, I forgot to give you this! It came in your mail yesterday!”

She handed him a letter, and he opened it ruthlessly.

Congratulations! We are happy to inform you that you have officially won the third price of the Red Ajah’s Arad Doman Retirement Raffle, and we hope you enjoy it! We had a very hard time picking the prizes…

“Signed, Francesca Sedai of the Red Ajah.” Arik took off his reading glasses, which were now broken. “Well, well…At least there is a point of light in all of this…” He started to laugh again, and Consuela slapped him, as he had ordered her to do if he fell victim to silly behavior again. “Señor! Señor, I am afraid. I will leave now. When I first have a week off, I was planning on taking an early summer trip… Have a good day, and be careful!”

“Consuela, one moment only… did there follow a prize with this?” He waved the paper in front of her, and she got a weird look to her face.

“Si, but… I really think we should give it to charity instead of…”

“No, no, Consuela…” He smiled. “You have gotten me quite curious now… bring it in, will you?”

She limped for the door. “Yes, Señor…”

****************

In the White Tower, Francesca looked over her notes one more time to make sure all was in perfect order, and smiled. The prizes had been delivered. The first prize had gone to the Amyrlin… That would keep her in the Head Chair for another few years, and cheer the Mother up after that madman had gone amok in her Study, swinging himself from her chandelier…

The second prize had gone to the Green Ajah members, who had shared the prize amongst themselves. Not that they really needed anti-wrinkle cream, but they were really vain about their looks.

The third one had gone to an Ashaman in the Black Tower. Francesca could still not figure out how that could be possible. If there had been some of them visiting the White Tower lately, she should have been informed… Well, he had at least gotten the prize, and was probably happy with it too. She wished it had been her winning 50 pounds of poultry instead of some male Channeler… She was getting sick of pasta.

THE END!!!!!

OOC: No offense meant to Spanish/Portuguese/Mexican/Cuban(did I leave anyone out?) people by writing in my maid, Consuela. If offense is still taken, here is a formal apology:

And, I hope you liked it! I found it hard to write a sequel, actually. They are seldom as good as your first, and I hope this one was not a complete flaw! *g*
As you can hear, I am quite nervous…

Arik Korpin
Soldier of the Black Tower
Bonded to Siuan Sedai
of the Yellow Ajah (Whom I still miss very deeply and wish were here right now… Are you wearing a filmy dress? OUCH! Just asking… *pouts*)

The Wheel of Time turns, etc.

Alone in his luxury study in the Black Tower, Arik Korpin sat at his mahogany desk, bent over a stack of papers. 26 pages… He had read 26 pages, and he wasn’t even IN the story…
He shook his head, and rubbed the tiredness out of his now redlined eyes.
And after a big yawn, he decided…
It was time for revenge…. Or at least…. another story……

Stepping out from his mahogany door, which led to his luxury study, and the mahogany desk, he almost stumbled over something that ran past his legs with a cackling sound.
Relieved to see it was not one of his fellow Ashaman though, he continued walking down along the misty halls of the Black Tower.

It had started only yesterday… All the messages about changing the rooster had obviously confused the M’hael himself… And, with roosters followed hens, in some mysterious way he could NOT understand…
Oh, how he hated having eggs to breakfast every, single morning.
Enough was enough. He couldn’t even stand to watch the Soldiers running around with various nets, trying to catch their feral friends.
Geez, he thought to himself…

No, he had 3…. 4 main reasons as to why go to the White Tower now…
The first was, of course, obvious. If he stayed in the Black Tower, this story would be a complete flaw… Not to mention full of meaty, healthy, chicken pies…
He shuddered.
The second reason was, of course, his recent bonding.
He smiled to himself. Ah, Siuan, whom he had not seen for a while now… yes, yes, that was certainly a good reason…
The third reason was, of course, his sister Ciara. He had seen neither her nor Siuan in some time. Not that he… wanted… to visit… but, if he didn’t…. He swallowed hard.
Now, he knew there was supposed to be a fourth reason too… damn it all that he hadnt written it down last night! Oh well, the story had to go on…
He opened the gateway….

Standing in front of the all mighty Gates of the White Tower, he smiled to himself. This looked like a lovely place, in opposition to his home Tower at the very moment… Once again this morning, he twisted his mouth in disgust at the very thought…
As the guards let him in, he wandered along the sunny garden path, and the flowers seemed to greet him. And there were fountains, and statues, and small sausage stands… He sighed… This was the life…
As an NPC novice greeted him, he nodded back. This was kinda fun…
And then, he stood in front of the all mighty gates of… Wait a minute, that sounded familiar… Ah, well, he wouldn’t mind that, just open the gates…

As he stepped inside, he stumbled with a loud shout in something fluffy. His thoughts went to the Black Tower at first…
“JOE!!!!!!”

Then, something huge and green threw itself over him, and gave him a big kiss. He tried to struggle, but he was helpless under the strength of this creature.
If this is a trolloc, I will kill myself afterwards, I swear, if this is a trolloc…
The thing suddenly backed away and he now saw that it was no trolloc at all, but his dear, dear sister: Ciara!

“Oh, yuck, Arik! What are YOU doing here? I thought you were my warder! Where is he now…” She glanced down at her wrist, for, as Arik saw it, no obvious reason…

“What am I doing here!? What are YOU doing here?!”
She started to giggle, and out of old habit, he backed away.

“Arik, this is the White Tower! I live here! Silly brother….”

He frowned for a second… “Ah… yeah, but… jeezus… what is going on here!?”

What he was referring to, was the Main Hall… it was almost completely covered with fluffy pillows, no wonder he had stumbled, in all sorts of color. And the women there, Aes Sedai, wearing their filmy dresses and their pink pajamas, sat relaxed with bodies slumped in some squishy furniture he could not decide on what was… perhaps something from the Age of Legends…?
And all spread across in a good mix lay their warders. Now, THAT, was a chapter in itself… he winced as he saw some of them wearing…. make-up….? He shook it off.

Another woman came up from behind him, and she smelled strongly of something he again could not put his finger quite on…

“Ciahrah, dhearr,” she said in her most pleasant voice. It was truly horrible… Her dress jingled when she moved… party bells, Arik thought casually to himself…
“I sayh, Cirah, dearieh., you… you shimply MUST bhond this nice lohking fellowh here…
As Ciara shook her head, the woman continued:
“Yesh, you musht! Yesh, yesh, you would be the PERHFECT couple…. mhmm, yesh, yesh, I DO thinksho…”

At the pose of her feet, and the way she was holding her cup, Arik suspected she was drop-dead dr…

“Lanfir, haven’t you met my brother? This is Arik, my brother!” She started giggling again. “Oops, I just said so…” More giggling….

“Youh do nhot sayh…. pherhapsh youh wouldh whant to be MY…” She laid one hand to her throat, and swallowed quickly, and her eyes moved inward, before she continued: “I wahs jusht…”

Arik broke her little suggestion off right there.
“Ah, no, I dont think so, uhm… Lanfir… I am already bonded. Eh, so… one is quite enough for me, you see…

She waved it away as a mere trifle, and her warders watched her closely.
The Hall smelled of mint tea, but he was unsure whether it was mint tea Lanfir had in her cup. She seemed to try and hide it now and then from those sidelong glances…

“I am sorry, Ciara, I see you are busy, I will come back later. Good day to you too, Lanfir Sedai.” There was a mutter from that side….

“Bye, Arik! Do come back later and have a smore!

“I dont even know what that is, Ciara….”

He continued down the hall, relieved… now that had been an interesting experience, although very disturbing too…
Further down, the Halls seemed to be pillow-free and Aes Sedai-free too, for which he was very grateful.
He started to whistle a small tune, heading towards the Yellow Ajah Quarters.
He could not wait to see Siuan at last… the M’hael had been too busy plucking feathers to give him permission to leave before…

Suddenly, from around a corner, he could hear some muttering coming his way:

“Where are they now… where can they be, they have to be around here some…OOFF!”

Arik made his second wince this day as the person-thingy crashed into a wall. He seemed to be utterly lost or something close to it…
Then, he recognized the man. It was Darksmoon! And there was something crawling all over….

“JEEZU… DARKS! How long has it been since you took a bath?!?!”

Darksmoon looked up at him, and moaned.

“I know, I know… but it seems there is no available bathtub in the Tower… and no one wants to lend me one to use…”

A ray of enlightenment hit Arik. “Aha…. yes, I can surely understand that….”

He sniffed. “Yes… and I asked the Amyrlin if I perhaps could borrow her satub, but not even SHE wanted to borrow me one…. and I who thought we were such close friends…

“Her…. satub…?

“Yes… the almighty Bathtub of the Amyrlin… she keeps it locked up, and few knows about it…” He started to whisper in a conspiratorial voice…
“Have you never wondered why she is always so clean and well-shaven, and even after she have been seen eating heaps of chocolate pudding….?”

Arik shrugged. “Can’t say I have actually.”

“Never mind that!” Darks growled.

“Okay, I won’t…” Arik still kept his distance.

Darksmoon nodded. “And then, I asked Lanfir if I could borrow her tertub…”

This time, Arik was only mildly surprised…. “And….?”

Darksmoon seemed reluctant, and looked down. “Well, it… It was kinda crowded, and I didn’t want to…”

“Ok, I’ve heard enough already! Geez, you dont have to tell me everything, you know!”

As Darks gave him an ashamed look, he noticed something strange about his eyes…. they were……. blue…..

“DARKS! OH MY GOD! YOUR EYES!!!!”

“SSSSHHHH!!!!!” Darks leaped forward and laid a hand around Arik’s mouth. He had to feel his way all over Arik’s face.
Arik tried to scream, but Darks showed no mercy…

“Do you still know that I wear lenses…?”

Arik did not dare to move his head, so he just opened his eyes wide.

“Ah, this is gonna be difficult…. ok, here’s the deal… you will NOT tell anyone that I wear lenses, ONLY…. if you… convince the Amyrlin to borrow me her tub!” He looked satisfied with himself, and removed his hand.

“Well…. it sounds weird to me. I mean, why would I not tell anyone that you wear lenses just because I had convinced the Amyrlin to borrow you her tub?

Darks raised one eyebrow…

“Hey! You’re good at that!”

“Gee, thanks.” He smiled. “I try my best… now, ok… here’s the new deal… if YOU convince the Amyrlin to borrow me her tub, I will not tell anyone that you know that I wear lenses! AHA! What do you say to that?” His grin was almost disturbing…

“Ok, I guess… do I get any bonuses alongside?”

“Burn them, they always ask for more! Ok… if you convince the Amyr….
“Yes, yes, could you please skip that part? I am trying to get this story ready by 1 PM, and I am not even sure I can make it…”

“Ok, ok, I’m sorry… If I get to borrow the tub, I will personally convince the Amyrlin that you TOO can borrow her tub!”

“But… if you couldn’t conv… ah, never mind. I will do it, Darks, but just because it’s you!”

“Oh, THANK you, Arik!”

“NO HUG, NO HUG!!!!” Arik waved his hands franticly, and ran down the hall towards the Amyrlin’s study….

It was strange in some way. He had always thought that the Amyrlin’s study was on the RIGHT side of the Hall, but after the last story, he had gotten the impression that it was on the LEFT side of the Hall… most confusing…

A group of NPC novices stood alongside one wall of the Hall, hanging up little yellow and pink sticky notes to a gigantic blackboard, and writing on them as well…

“Excuse me. A moment, NPC novice…” he said, grabbing hold on the sleeve of one of the novices, “May I ask what you are doing?”

“Certainly, kind and sweet and kind Sir, of course you can.”

That was the good thing about NPC novices, they would always say what you wanted them to… Arik smiled, pleased with the answer.

“Well…?”

“Oh, we are posting replies to other messages for our masters, the Aes Sedai, on this board. This is the White Tower Board, kind Sir. You have perhaps heard of it?”

A ray of remembrance hit Arik the way only rays could hit him…

“Ah, yes! Yes, we have one of those over at the Black Tower too! Only, ours is heron marked…” He grinned. “I will come back later and post this story on it, is that okay?”

“Yes, master. We will be pleased to serve you as best as we can!”

“Well, now…. Ah, I mean… I must be on my way…. Ta ta, good NPC novice!”

She waved at him.

He now stood in front of the door that led to fabled office of the Keeper of Chronicals, Chissa. Right inside that door… err… lay the office of Chissa, the Keeper of Chronicals, and there was another fabled door there too! The door, which led to the Amyrlin’s study itself!
He knocked once, and an almost incomprehensible “Come in” could be heard on the other side.

As he entered, the first things he noticed was, of course, the door that led to the Amyrlin’s Study, Chissa’s desk and Chissa, the guards outside the Amyrlins study, the roof, the floor, and all the other stuff…
Strange, he pondered to himself… he could not remember hearing about guards outside the Amyrlins study…

“Hello”, Chissa said in a sort of formal voice. “Do you have an appointment, or would you like one?”

Arik walked towards her desk, and looked down at the bowl standing there. It was filled with biscuits, chocolate/vanilla ones, formed as the ancient symbol of the Aes Sedai…
Chissa followed his look.

“Feel free to take one, if you want to. They are crunchy and crispy, and altogether very good…” Chissa gestured wildly towards the bowl.

“Ah…. I think I’ll pass…” he said, seeing the look on her face.

“BURN THEM ALL!” Chissa lowered her face, and blushed… “I mean… too bad for you, isn’t it? As I said, they are VERY crunchy…” She tried one more time to gesture towards the bowl.

“Why are you so intent on me eating those biscuits?”

“I am sorry, that is strictly confidential. Now, do you have an appointment?”

Arik sat himself down on a chair nearby. “Actually, no… but it is rather a matter of haste, you see… uhm… hello?”

Chissa bit her pen, and shook the piece of paper she was holding.

“You wouldn’t happen to know an 8-letter word for *is the Amyrlin*, now, would you?”

Arik looked as puzzled as a crossword, which was exactly what Chissa was doing…

“No, I… I can’t say I do…?”

Chissa laid the paper in front of him, and sighed. It was the annual Tairen Crossword Contest, Arik saw… it was fabled, too…
She gave him her pen, and he lowered it to the paper and the 8-letter check boxes…
He began filling it out, as he slowly remembered…. F…..U…..

“Ok, this is just silly,” Chissa interrupted. “I have to do this myself, or else I would never forgive myself afterwards… I will get you an appointment right now. Just knock on the door and say that I sent you in. It will be ok.”

Arik got up from the chair, and started to move to the door, when Chissa called.

“I am so sorry, but I must ask you to fill out this form!” She held up another piece of paper.

Arik went over to her, sighing, and read it carefully. It contained only one question, in addition to name and address fill-outs, and all that fun stuff that you had ever dreamed of filling out.
He viewed the line of answers, and picked one out. Then, he gave the paper back to Chissa. She looked at it closely, nodded, and then she started to search for something under her desk. When she came up again, she held out a box of marshmallows to Arik. He took them from her, with a questioningly look.

“The Amyrlin has been a bit moody lately,” Chissa explained. “…ever since the Saldean Ambassador visited only yesterday… Seemed some of the Aes Sedai had forgotten about the time, and was still holding a slumber party… Well, never mind that now. It is not important… Oh, and…” Chissa found another paper under the complete mess on her desk, and pointed on finger upward while reading, “…If the Amyrlin asks you to take a marshmallow, say nay. Trust me on this one…” Chissa went back to her crossword.

Arik had a feeling that this would turn out to be another silly story, if he did not do something about it. And the time was mirthlessly ticking towards 1 PM…
Before he managed to knock on the Amyrlin’s fabled door, one of the guards took hold of his arm.

“Sword, please!”

Arik gave him a certain look. “Oh, that’s alright. You see… I don’t wear a sword…

The guard looked like he was out of words, then said… “Uhm… very well, you may enter… urrh… here…”

“Thank you very much, kind guard”

Arik knocked on the door, and there was a grumpy “Come in!” on the other side of the door. He opened it slowly, but before he had his other foot on the inside of the study, the guard grabbed hold of him again.

“Sword, please!”

“I told you, I don’t wear a sword!” Arik thought there might be some other reasons to the Amyrlin’s bad mood in addition to the slumber-scandal…

“Very well, you may leave then.”

“What!? But I just got here!? Why in the Light would I want to leave?!”

“Oh, I am terribly sorry, kind Sir…” (they were NPCs too)”… but we are just following orders… Are you sure you are not leaving?”

“Very so! Can you please let go of me now?”

“Of course.” And so the guard did.

As Arik stepped inside the fabled Study, closing the fabled door behind him, he looked around… and there she was…

She was pale, like the moon in the sky at late night, but that was how she had always been, creamy, soft and white.
And her curves were like the ones one could just dream of, round and soft as her skin also was. And when you looked at her, she looked as if she was screaming “Take me! Hold me! Use me!” And although she was getting old, there were those who wished that they could, men as well as women, but they also knew that it could never be. There were tales of those who had managed to fulfill their dreams, but they had never been heard of again…
Never had there been made a finer eating utensil…

Ah, yes… she was the Spoon of the Amyrlin, the Light shine on her…
Holding her in her hand, sitting on the desk, was the Amyrlin herself. How she would pay if she had hurt the Spoon, Arik thought, and grinned mischievously to himself at the thought.
Nowadays, she was only used to eating pudding… chocolate pudding, that was… he shuddered… the fate was truly a horror in itself…

“Arik!!! NOOO!!!!!!” The Amyrlin twisted and moaned. “But that must mean…..” She tried to raise an eyebrow, but she could not quite manage it…

“Indeed, Mother.” Arik smiled. “I am writing a story, and YOU are in it! Now, you will feel the wrath of the storyteller!” He started to laugh.

The Amyrlin jumped off the desk, and walked in a semicircle, towards the chair behind it. It was… comfy… more so than Arik’s mahogany chair and pillow accessories, but he did not care now. After all, some loons had placed her in that chair a long time ago, when she had become the Amyrlin.
He stared at the Spoon… it was holding a chocolate glob…. the inhumanity…

“Ok, Arik,” Kathana said, folding her fingers somewhat less neatly than it would have been done in her own stories. She seemed frustrated at that… “… lets get this over with, shall we?”

“Very well, Mom… but do relax… I have not come to make you seem like a complete foolish… Mom…. uhm…. oh! The fourth reason….
He played with the though of making her kiss his feet… but he dismissed it. It was not… him… It was rather…. he didn’t quite know…

10 minutes to 1 PM… the clock was ticking…

“Ok, Mother. Very well, I must be on my way soon now! I do not have much time. The case I wanted to talk to you about was…”

He abruptly stopped talking, as she started to eat pudding carelessly…
Her every single move, from the plastic cup to her mouth, were disgusting… and he somehow knew that HE was the one making it that way…
It made him realize that if he did not stop soon… not only had he run out of ideas, but the Spoon would suffer, he would not see Siuan… and he would not manage to post!

“Oh good Light! Siuan! I forgot!”

Slamming the fabled door after him, Chissa looked up from the crossword once again…

“6-letter words… *Theorist and scribe to the Amyrlin*… Is that Lone Wolf??”

“I guess… sorry, I dont have time to mingle with such tings… I have to go now!”

He slammed the other fabled door after him too, and ran for the Hall Stairs.
Darksmoon was still looking for his lenses, but he did not have time to stop… Poor fellow… and dirty too…urgh…

Suddenly, there was a voice from above. “ONE MINUTE LEFT, ARIK KORPIN!”

Arik threw himself to his knees, and folded his hands. “No! No, please! Let me write the part about Siuan! Please, Light, I want to see her!!!”

“I… NO! THE TIME IS UP! IT WOULD HAVE TO BE ANOTHER STORY!!

“Another story! But… but… I am not USED to writing these stories! I’ve run out of ideas! Please, just give me one more minute… I really wanted to call Lone Wolf for Ulv, and I…”

THE END!!!

NOTE: The Spoon was not hurt, so all relax…

OOC: Apologize for any errors, spelling or so.
Editor’s Note: Hopefully fixed.
And, I hope you liked it! It took me 2 hours to write, and it all came to my mind this night.
From 12 AM to 4AM, stuff started to pop into my mind! *g*

Arik Korpin
Soldier of the Black Tower
Bonded to Siuan Sedai
of the Yellow Ajah